CheapJAP

Cheap JAP 101

Layer Cake, Piece by Piece

I try to ignore the idea of winterwear as much as possible, as I much prefer minidresses to thick wool sweaters.

This penchant for revealing clothing often results in uncomfortably cold commutes that necessitate speedwalking to warm myself up - NBD, until a few days ago, when the windchill rivaled Chi-town’s and brought back horrific college memories of walking the mile to and from class in Turtle Fur. I shuddered, and set aside the gray crochet tights I’d planned on wearing; exposed skin probs wasn’t a good idea.

But hark! I could layer the tights over another pair, couldn’t I?

And if two pairs of tights weren’t warm enough, I had legwarmers too!

I could wear my black satin-esque Target minidress after all!

Layer One: Gray Heat Tech Top (Uniqlo), Hot Pink Tights (Target)
Layer Two: GO International Kimono Dress, Gray Crochet Tights (Target)
Layer Three: Only Hearts Mesh Ballet Sweater (another Mommy’s Closet snag), Foot Traffic Super-Long Legwarmer (Beacon’s Closet)

With a hat, gloves and puffy vest, I wasn’t just warm. I was warm AND psyched about my outfit. Who knew?!

Cheap JAP 101

Sustainable Shopping

Activism generally bugs the shit out of me: The innate response to anything forced upon you via email chains, street-stalkers and their clipboards, and/or Facebook tends not to be, “Wow! I suddenly care!” My bestie Isabel and I frequently bitch about the above, so when she tackled Sustainability in her latest Huff Po piece - a burdensome ideal that, like activism, riddles me with guilt over my zealous materialism - I was more than a little intrigued. Said intrigue turned to shock when, post-reading, I realized I’d been actively participating in Sustainability for quite some time. For someone who can’t be bothered to unplug her phone charger, that is all kinds of weird.

I’m more than a little apprehensive to associate buying secondhand clothes with words like green, eco-friendly, reduce-reuse-recycle, et. al. The world of the gently-worn obvs involves and embodies these concepts, but that’s not why I shop there. I frequent places like Beacon’s Closet and Buffalo Exchange because the clothes are (a) Almost-New, (b) Brand-tastic, and (c) Cheap. That these stores continually buy my castoffs in exchange for credit so I can, in essence, shop there for FREE is the fiscally fabulous icing on the recession cake.

Yet whenever I browse Old Navy and see those towering piles of unsold clothes, I can’t help but wonder what’s happens to all that material. Then I realize the really icky truth; that most of it goes from overstuffed shelves to overstuffed landfill. And that sucks harder than the fugly clothes themselves.

Shopping at thrift stores - buying and re-using other people’s clothes - embodies the very definition of sustainability; it’s an act “capable of being continued with minimal long-term effect on the environment.” So Sustainable Shopping might just be the best way to combat apparel produced in excess by Old Navy and its ilk. It might not be exactly why I do it, but I’m more than okay with the fact that re-using other people’s clothes could eventually lead to less garbage in this world.

Maybe there’s a little bit of activist in me after all.

Cheap JAP 101

Comment O’ The Day

gigwalsh says:

“I love the closet make over posts. I read you everyday, religiously. Meaning I wear a veil when I read your posts.”

From Pillowcase + Scissors = Dress!, 2008/12/08 at 4:53 PM

Cheap JAP 101

Wardrobe Bitchslap: The Monetarily, Socially and Environmentally Responsible Disposal of the NAYs

At this stage of the Wardrobe Bitchslapping Process, it’s time to literally clean house. This is how we do it.

All NAYs can be categorized as such:
The Money NAYs
Money NAYs consist of gently worn designer castoffs that you will SELL. NYC’s consignment stores are notoriously snooty, so unless your stuff is uber upscale (think Dolce & Gabbana, Marc Jacobs, DVF, etc.) AND relatively recent (anything from the 80s or 90s probs won’t fly), don’t even bother with those jerk-offs. Ebay’s your best bet.

The Thriftastic NAYs
Thriftastic NAYs are best sold at Buffalo Exchange, or at stores like Beacon’s Closet. They’re usually cool, no-name items or stuff that’s one notch down on the brand-o-meter (GAP, Banana Republic, Juicy Couture, etc.). Money NAYs can def be sold as Thriftastic NAYs if you don’t feel like completing the nine thousand steps necessary for selling on Ebay.

The She-Would-Love-That NAYs
These depend on how much you like your friends and family. Getting rid of something you know would look fab on your cousin? Wrap it up real pretty: Happy Hannukah to her! What? It’s not re-gifting if you’re giving away clothes you bought for yourself. Just don’t saddle her with a fugly college sweatshirt or something.

The Charity NAYs
My Charity NAYs often go to my parents’ housekeeper’s daughters. So noble of me, I know. Give yours to a local shelter, Goodwill, Salvation Army, whatever. Some people really do need clothes.

The Nostalgic NAYs
Your old sorority garb. Your Bat Mitzvah gown. Your best Halloween get-up. These are NAYs because they don’t belong in your closet, not because you’re saying goodbye forever, so cease with the sniffles. Nostalgic NAYs go in the attic, in a space-saving storage bag under the bed or in that trunk that doubles as a coffee table. Out of the closet, out of sight, but never out of mind. Oh, memories!

The Garbage NAYs
Old socks, ripped and/or pitstained (eew!) t-shirts. Anything utterly unwearable. This and ONLY this is what you throw out. If I bust you trashing the bag of NAYs destined for Goodwill, I will personally hunt you down and beat some sense into your lazy arse with my Botkier bag. Giving to charity - Good; Giving to landfills - Bad.

As I recently subjected my own closet to the Wardrobe Bitchslapping Process, I’m well aware that much of this is easier said than done, particularly where letting go of the Money NAYs is concerned. The high-end stuff to which I’m saying buh-bye follows.

Cheap JAP 101

Wardrobe Bitchslap: The Sifting of the OY VEYs.

The next stage of the Wardrobe Bitchslapping Process starts and ends with an OY VEY. Actually, I’m lying. It starts with you NOT touching and/or attempting to organize the YAY and NAY piles. The reasons for prolonging the disarray will become clear in due time, young Skywalkers. For now, quiet your inner-neat freaks and focus.

When Mom and I got to the OY VEY pile, we repeated variations of the following exchange for almost every article of clothing.

Me: (holding up item) What about this?
Mom: I wear that!
Me: When was the last time you wore it?
Mom: That’s not the POINT. I THINK about wearing it.
Me: MOM!

This is but one example of the kind of waffling you’re apt to indulge in whilst sorting the OY VEYs. Use these three steps to counter the flippity-floppity:
1. STOP, LOOK & LISTEN
Yup, we’re doing a little visual exercise here. Look at the item you’re holding; look at the NAY pile. Look at the item you’re holding; look at the YAY pile. Is the article in question similar in color, cut, style and/or material to your other YAYs or not? If so…
2. TRY IT ON
Immediately. If you’re not comfortable wearing it now, you’re not going to wear it anytime soon, dollface. And don’t give me any of that this-will-look-great-if-I-just-lose-five-pounds bullshit. You’ve got a whole pile of YAYs that look great NOW, and whatever you’re trying to squeeze into obvs shrunk in the dryer and cannot be trusted ;).
3. MAYBE USUALLY MEANS…
NO. But even I can’t go uber-minimalist (oxymoron?) in one Wardrobe Bitchslap. Only you know what you use most in your closet. Only you know what cuts, styles, colors and materials make you feel fab. Sort your OY VEYs according to that, and you’ll get closer and closer to the epic achievement of actually wearing all that stuff you “need.”

DON’T feel guilty about the accumulating NAYs. We’ve wasted just as much moolah on our castoffs as you did on yours. And it’s not like we’re throwing this stuff in the trash: We’re going to donate it, gift it, sell it, and/or re-fashion it. Stay tuned for tips on Greenly dispersing your NAYs slash organizing your YAYs.

Cheap JAP 101

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Cheap JAP 101

The Closeto Principle

When I revamp a closet, be it my own or someone else’s, my plan of attack always starts with something I like to call The Closeto Principle. The Closeto Principle is kin (and rhyming counterpart, natch) to the better-known Pareto Principle, which states that for many events, roughly 80% of the effects come from 20% of the causes.

Yup, you don’t care. Events, causes, effects - what is this, the Intro to Macro class you should have failed but didn’t thanks to grade inflation? (Wait, that was me). Chillax. The idea’s a hell of a lot easier to understand when applied to what’s in our closets.

The Closeto Principle: 80% of your outfits come from 20% of your clothes.

WHOA. Hang the eff on. You’ve got, like, sooo many clothes and sooo many outfits. There’s no WAY you wear less than a quarter of your wardrobe more than half the time. That would mean that OVER HALF of your closet is comprised of shit you wear only once in a while, if at all. And here’s the cold, hard truth about the aforementioned shit you wear once in a while, if at all:

YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE PURCHASED IT.

Don’t believe me? Think about just one of your multiple attempts to wear that pricey top that’s been sitting in your closet for months. You layer it; belt it; accessorize it; re-apply your eye make-up to match it; put your hair up, down, and up again; adjust and readjust in front of the mirror. All this fidgeting invariably makes you late for something, but instead of just wearing the pricey top in the interest of saving time, you toss it to the floor in frustration, guilt and disgust. You next don your favorite shirt, breathe a big fat sigh of relief, and find yourself astounded by how quickly you’re able to get ready sometimes.

Me too, dollfaces. Me too.

Tall, short, old, young, fat, skinny, black, white, gay, straight, whatever - we all have a pricey top we feel guilty about not wearing. Roughly 80% of our closets are filled with versions of this cursed pricey top, and it’s time to clean house, beotches. You’ll thank me later.

Details on how to reduce, reuse and recycle over half of the un-worns in your wardrobe to follow. Get that game face on.

Cheap JAP 101

Little Black Dress, Little Fab Price

The LBD is oft referred to as an Investment Piece by industry peeps who write coffee table books to con us into spending more money.

Um, negative.

I’m all for rocking a staple like a little black dress, but staple isn’t synonymous with Investment Piece.

I know this because my staple of an LBD cost me forty bucks at H&M.

And don’t give me that oh-it-won’t-last-because-it-was-cheap crap; I’ve worn this thing continually for a solid three years.

It still looks new, and, as I discovered yesterday while dressing for a meeting, it’s not just a stand-alone piece - it’s fab layered over stuff too! (In this case, my Ann Taylor blouse ($12.99 at Goodwill) and Urban tights.
Also pictured: Michael Kors pumps ($21.95 at Beacon’s), Mom’s brown belt.)

How could you not hire this punim?!

Cheap JAP 101

How To Order from Uniqlo

Here’s the Heat-Tech Top layered under the Puffer Vest for a truly Uniqlo-riffic (ooh, that was rough) combo.

…it’s a snowbunny…it’s a frigid bitch…it’s…WINTER JAP! And she’s here to rescue you ladies from Uniqlo deprivation.

“What’s the story with Uniqlo and online shopping? I’m in TX (howdy!) and no where close to an actual store.”
From Functional AND Fab: More Uniqlo, 2008/11/13 at 5:41 PM

An excellent question, cowgirl. I was initially perplexed by this myself: While you obvs shouldn’t need to live in NYC to feel the Uniq-love too (okay, this is getting out of hand), the online shopping situation is more than sketchy. Unless you’re fluent in Japanese, in which case, have fun converting yens to dollars.

This took me a solid half hour to figure out, but that might just be because I’m technologically ’special.’ You’re welcome. Here’s the deal: Uniqlo doesn’t use played-out verbs like “Shop” or verbose phrases like “Browse Apparel.” They’re cutting edge, people. To see the goods is to explore the untapped world of well-made clothes at reasonable prices. Hence the EXPLORER button. (Located under the Product & Style tab on the upper left side of the homepage, url: http://www.uniqlo.com/us/).

After you’ve officially entered the labyrinth, you’ll likely be looking for a means to itemize and consolidate your choices; something commonly referred to as a “Shopping Cart.” There is none. In the spirit of elusiveness there is, instead, a “List” to which you add your potential purchases. After making your selections, you’ll likely be looking for a “Checkout” button. There is none. To purchase your goodies, you have to do something kind of awkward and icky and antiquated. You have to pick up the phone, dial (877) 4-UNIQLO (toll-free) and talk to a real, live human being. Soooo old school, right?!

The toll-free number goes directly to their Soho store. Uniqlo suggests confirming the availability and pricing of your intended purchases via email before you order (customer.orders@uniqlo-usa.com), but I was told this was an unnecessary step when I spoke with a salesperson earlier today. Just give ‘em a ring, and be ready to recite the names/colors/sizes of what you’re ordering (I knew that list had a purpose!)

Enjoy your Uniq-clothes (Oops. I did it again).

Cheap JAP 101

Do It or Screw It? Online Shopping

Soooo, the crappy economic sitch means big designer discounts, obvs. Even new stuff incurs a price-slashing as soon as it hits the racks and/or the Interweb. It’s easy to get giddy over this phenomenon; isn’t a 50% off tag the silver lining of the overpriced handbag storm cloud? Au contraire, dollfaces. If we had money to burn, this would be cause for joy. We don’t, yet we remain easily convinced that because we’re getting those Hollywould navy suede boots - complete with black grosgrain ribbon AND removable legwarmers - for $235 as opposed to $650, we’re saving $415. No, no, and EFF no.

I won’t deny that uber-fab boots at less than half their original price aren’t a steal in some circles. But ask yourself this: If you hadn’t signed up for daily emails alerting you to deals of this ilk, would you still be out two hundred and thirty-five-plus-shipping-and-handling bucks? I don’t THINK so.

Right now, you’re probs thinking there’s no harm in receiving an email a day from Ideeli, or Hautelook, and/or Shop It To Me; you can always delete them; it’s not like you don’t have any self-control. That might be true… until you’re notified of a one-day-only Theory sale and you swear you’ll just look and oh that’s a kickass blazer and what?! 70% off! and click, click, BOOM! Another $200 bites the dust.

Designer-discount, members-only shopping sites masquerade as exclusive clubs so that, upon receiving an invite, you feel “chosen,” privy to coveted deals, etc. My hunch is that if you’ve bought anything online EVER, you’re either already one of the chosen ones or you will be soon. Sites like these operate on one principle:

If you see it, you will buy it.

I’m not anti-ecommerce in general; I’m against anything that takes the active choice factor out of spending money. Clicking your Bluefly bookmark to shop for a new peacoat might not seem that different from navigating to a Marc Jacobs sale via a suggestive email. But with the latter, you run the risk of spending money without actually intending to do so. And that, my little chickadees, is just effing stupid. Especially now.

This concludes today’s lecture on the Philosophy of Choice re: Buying Stuff (what?!). ‘Cause Fashion’s deep like that.

Cheap JAP 101

Vote, Beotches

Because you live in a country where you can wear whatever the eff you want. Because you hail from a place where a derogatory term like JAP can be spoken freely, and even re-appropriated to mean something good. Because someday, your kids and grandkids will ask you what you did on this day. Because my Republican Dad’s voting not for who will tax him least, but for who he wants as his President. Because even a woman stupid enough to let her handlers dress her Soccer Mom ass in designer suits can run for Vice President. Because Michelle Obama buys J.Crew online to save money. Because The Great Schlep is Sarah Silverman’s best piece of comedic work. Because my apathetic little brother is one of those undergrads who knocked on red doors to turn Colorado blue.

Because Fashion - and all the materialistic bullshit attached to it - doesn’t really matter. Because this day does.

GOBAMA.

Cheap JAP 101

Lucky Mag, Lucky Jeans, Lucky Girl

As much as I periodically bash Lucky, it’s one of the few fashion mags I actually read, and the only one I occasionally enjoy. I also enjoy contests or, more specifically, winning them. So I’m entering Lucky’s latest, and I’m going for the W.

The “My Denim Transformation” Challenge involves one seemingly simple objective: Dress up your jeans for a big night out. It’s something most of us do all the time. Alas, it’s something few of us do well, myself included. I rarely wear jeans for a big night out, not because I’m a diva who doesn’t feel dressed up unless she’s in a dress…(Oh, wait…). I avoid jeans when I go out because they go with EVERYTHING: This abundance of options overwhelms me to the point where, after an hour of trying on outfits, I inevitably change out of the jeans and into something less versatile, like a jumper. I’m taking this challenge so I can take my jeans out on the town. (Also, to win - see prizes).

Deadline for entry is November 4th. I’ll be posting three possible outfits in hopes that you beotches will weigh in on which one’s the winner. If you want to give me a run for my money, send pics of your entries to cheapjap@gmail.com and I’ll publicize your stylistic prowess. It’s gametime.

Cheap JAP 101

Still Jumpin’ for Jumpers? Just Add Tights.

I looooove jumpers. I thought I was going to have to say goodbye to my fave onesies till next year, and that made me sad.

Then I paired them with tights, and realized that jumpers on their own are fun, but jumpers layered over other stuff are even funner!

Remember that H&M number I bought on a whim? After wearing it by itself all summer, I tried it with a gray, spandex-y BCBG tee, elastic black-and-gold belt (from Urban, like eight bucks on sale) and black tights.

I added black tights to the Crazy Denim Jumper from Beacon’s Closet, too.

With a blue-and-white pinstripe button down and Mom’s riding boots, I think it looks better this way than by itself.

(Though, with floral-embroidered denim jumpers, one really never knows).

Cheap JAP 101

When More is More

Cher, GET IN HERE.
What’s up, Daddy?
What is that?
A dress.
Says who?
Calvin Klein.
It looks like underwear. Go put something over it.
Duh, I was just going to.

If memory serves, I wore this Gianfranco Ferre minidress to a sorority formal without putting something over it, but let’s not dwell on the past. Point being, a pricey label doesn’t make a slutty dress look any less cheap. Only WE can do that.

Finding new ways to wear the clothes you already own is a fab, fiscally responsible way to feel like you’re shopping. Really, you sort of are. You’re just spending time in your closet instead of money at a boutique.

Alas, shopping my own closet to de-sluttify this dress proved a trial-and-error process. The tights were the biggest beotch; anything even remotely sheer screamed streetwalker. Shoes were also a challenge: Boots were overwhelming, none of my pumps seemed to work either.

I was stumped on how to cover my upper-half too (and very close to bagging the whole de-sluttifying endeavor) when one of my first Cheap JAP purchases ever caught my eye.

I added the fur-collared Bebe cardy ($10.95 at Beacon’s Closet), tights so opaque they’re basically leggings, and silver Manolo slingbacks, and everything seemed to fall into place (whether or not it stayed there is debatable. Bah!).

Is the outfit still a bit risque? Probs. It might even still be considered slutty, where Fashion is concerned. But I don’t feel slutty wearing it, and THAT’s what matters, dollfaces. Now, go forth and shop. You don’t even need to leave your house!*

*No, that doesn’t mean you get to go shop online. Nice try.

Cheap JAP 101

Scissors + Ribbon = New Shirt

American Apparel’s Unisex Tri-Blend Short Sleeve Deep V-Neck Tee is, objectively speaking, the most versatile, flattering, comfortable tee ever created. It’s what every tee shirt aspires to be. It makes sense that you own one. Problem is, everyone else does too.

When I feel like I’m dressed like everyone else, I get an overwhelmingly icky feeling. But before I got rid of this tee in protest, I poked some holes in the material and threaded a few ribbons through them.

Voila! Same material, same fit, but a different shirt altogether!

I highly recommend doing this not just with ubiquitous American Apparel tees, but with any garment you’re considering chucking. You might be tired of it in its current state, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be transformed into something exciting. Those of you who know how to sew can really have fun with this. Those of you who don’t: Rest assured that any idiot with scissors can get crafty with her clothes. Case-in-point? Me!

Cheap JAP 101

Tip of the Day

From Erin re: my KORS Slicker Lace-Up Rubber Boots:

“Will you hate me (or will your mom hate me?) if I tell you that Loehmann’s has those boots for about $120 or so right now?!? Just saw them tonight.”
@ 10:59 pm on September 25th, 2008

… GAH!!!!!!!!!!!

Cheap JAP 101

Dress It Down Another Notch

I’ve had this DVF wrap dress for about four years. I’ve probably worn it a grand total of eight times, mainly because it’s a little too cleavage-baring for my taste (shocker, I know).

This BCBG Tank ($19 at Atlantic City’s BCBG Outlet) not only solves the cleavage problemo but also dresses it down, and gives it a nice splishy-splash of color. Teal-and-black zebra earrings and black boots funkify the outfit, and make a would-be formal dress a lot more wearable too.

And, for all you beotches who’ve echoed the plea of Uncle Chip, I’m smiling. But I’m not making a habit of it.

Cheap JAP 101

Dress It Down a Notch

Soooo, I recently read Eccentric Glamour. I enjoyed it so much that it pains me to call it a style guide, as that puts it in really icky company (see yesterday’s post). In the spirit of the book - and of wearing fun, fabulous clothes regardless of occasion, season and/or trends - I pulled some seriously under-worn dresses out of my closet.

I don’t have many occasions in my day-to-day life that necessitate dressing up. To this, Simon Doonan would likely say, “Life is the occasion! Wear a tutu to the Whole Foods and twirl for the fishmongers! Be bold!” and in a way, he’s right. I’m just not glamorously eccentric enough for that (yet). If I’m going to wear my party duds in broad daylight and not feel like I’m on a walk of shame, I need them dressed down.

This Forever 21 navy button-down tied over my BCBG Party Frock casual-izes (ooh, new word!) the dress. And the beat-up motorcycle boots do a nice job of saying I-don’t-give-a-shit-about-what-you-think-of-my-outfit.

More dressed down creations to come.

Cheap JAP 101

Rain Boots Cool Enough to Not Look Like Rain Boots

Yesterday’s crappy weather got me thinking about rain boots. I’m not entirely opposed to those gimmicky, patterned wellies: A splash of color usually brightens a wet depressing day. Problem is, they’re so obviously rain boots that they can’t be worn once the rain lets up. You might look prepared on your morning commute but on your way home, you look like a jerk-off who forgot to change her shoes. Wearing wild wellies indoors is equally problematic; even in the most casual of office environments, they can’t double as a chic boot. Lucky for us, there’s a whole crop of rain boots that can. You might even want to wear them when the forecast is clear.

I totally heart the orange detail on this rubberized equestrian boot. And doesn’t the neutral Hunter boot look like something a British aristocrat might wear to a hunting party? Oh so upper-crust! Brown and Orange Equestrian Boot, Tamara Henriques, $65; Lady N Rain Boot, Hunter, $129.95.

The fold-over tweed detail coupled with the sleek wedge make the black boot something I’d wear rain or shine. And the fade-to-black trim on the blue wellie is uber cool. Black Tweed Sadie Rain Boot, Sperry, $69.95; Burnished Rubber Riding Boot, J.Crew, $75.

Cheap JAP 101

Do It or Screw It? (Fall Fabrics)

Last Fall, nary a peep was made about lace, velvet or florals. Suddenly, they’re all the rage. What happened to bright solids and houndstooth? You bought those styles last year, and - now that they’re Out - your broke ass has to pony up for new stuff AGAIN. Drag!

Trends exist for one reason, and one reason only. Say it with me now dolls. So we SPEND. MORE. MONEY. If the same shit was In year after year, would we feel quite as compelled to buy new things? Helllls no. Designers and mag editors don’t care about how well you dress; they care about how much you buy. If you genuinely like something trendy, sweet. Just don’t convince yourself that you and your wardrobe can’t survive without it…(insert theme from Twilight Zone here)…because that’s what they want you to think. Damn the Man, Save the Empire, et. al. But I digress.

DO IT: Winter Florals

Hmm, let’s see, why do I support Winter Florals? Because - unless you’re so cutting edge that you spent the summer in black a la Goth Trend - you already own this trend. No need to put the sundresses in storage this year - just add tights and boots, and voila! Painted Floral Chiffon Dress, Forever 21. Print Frill Sleeve Dress, TopShop.

SCREW IT: Velvet
I haven’t worn velvet since 1998. It only works in winter, it’s not daytime-appropriate (unless you like looking overdressed). It’s also one of the few fabrics that tends to look its price; if it’s bought cheap, it ain’t lookin loaded. Suede and wool are more versatile, practical warm-weather fabrics for those of us seeking budget chic. Next. Continue reading →

Cheap JAP 101

Bootstorming

When you find yourself snipping the frayed, gnarled rubber off the heel of your fave shoes - as I did last night before donning my Aldo triple-buckle, biker chick-esque, ankle boots - it’s time for a new pair. I don’t care about the hours you spent breaking them in, I don’t care that from far away, they still look alright - this isn’t an effing Monet we’re talking about. The only thing worse than a cheap pair of shoes is a decent pair worn past their expiration date. We don’t need to cling to those haikus markered onto our nine-year-old Converse sneakers; this isn’t Cheap Hipster, people.

As my ankle boots have officially crossed the line from broken-in to busted, I’m on the hunt for a new pair. Here’s what I’m thinking so far:

I get an overwhelmingly icky feeling in my tummy when I pay more than $150 for a pair of shoes. It’s probs the same feeling the shoe-obsessed get when they pony up for a handbag. So the Dolce Vita Zip Belted Bootie, at $213 is slightly out of my reach. Not that it can’t be tracked down at Loehmann’s or Century 21 for far less - I’ll be keeping my eyes peeled. The We Who See Rise Bootie, is reasonably priced at $78. Alas, it’s canvas and I need these puppies to see me through the gray, icey street sludge all winter. They’re a maybe.
Continue reading →

Cheap JAP 101

Snipped Sleeves

Most upscale waitressing gigs require button-down shirts. This blows almost as hard as working on the opposite schedule of everyone I know.

At my last job, I accumulated nine or so white button-downs but noooo, I can’t wear them at my current one because we have to wear gray or black ones. When I haven’t worn something in a while, I don’t immediately chuck, donate or sell it. I hit it with some fabric scissors first.

Henceforth, what was once a white BDS (H&M, like $20) is now a cute short-sleeved blouse, to be worn alone or over long-sleeved knits when it gets nippy out.
Also a nice preppy balance to my funky 80%20 boots and thrifty Picadilly jeans.

(Belt, courtesy of Mom. Ability to “fit” into too-tight jeans by using wire hanger to yank up zipper, courtesy of Grandmom ;)).

Cheap JAP 101

Vanity Dress, Insta-Mood Booster

Working four nights a week seriously cuts into my ability to wear fun little dresses like this one. But when you put something on that lets you live the lie that, even at five-foot-two, you could totally model if you felt like it, that something must be bought immediately. Especially if it’s a BCBG dress on sale for $16.95. (Thank you Beacons, as per usual).

I used a green, detachable purse strap from Mom’s Gucci clutch as a belt, and topped the outfit off with my fave black pumps. Then I proceeded to dance around my apartment in the ensemble for forty-five minutes or so. I took some ridiculous pics in diva mode just for kicks.

Okay, so why am I posting this barrage of photos (aside from my being despicably vain and image-obsessed, obvs)? Because fashion - dressing up - is supposed to be fun. Even if you’ve got nowhere to go - if I didn’t play with my clothes, I wouldn’t have realized that a purse strap can double as an accessory!

I guess my point is this: You don’t always need events, booze or people to entertain yourself. Sometimes, all it takes is a camera and a closet to make your own party.

Cheap JAP 101

Brand Wars: GAP Versus Old Navy

Now, I’m using Old Navy for price-point comparison here. This is not to suggest that the brand doesn’t have its fair share of boring and/or nausea inducing clothing. But while Old Navy’s hit or miss, it’s got one thing going for it that GAP better embrace, and fast, if it continues to produce the crap currently on its racks: Old Navy’s always cheap. And - more often than not - it still manages to be cuter than its overpriced comrade.

Button-Front Sweater Vest, GAP, $58. Women’s Striped Boyfriend Cardigan, Old Navy, $26.50. Added Bonus: Striped option does not make wearer look ten lbs heavier. Next.
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Cheap JAP 101

Back from vacay today, chickadees. Many thanks for your patience during my absence - I’m sure you’ve all been pining for my return Look for updates later today. MWAH!

Cheap JAP 101

Fashion Myths: Denim Trends

Sooo it’s almost August, which means it’s time to freak out about Fall Denim. What ever will you do with the the Boyfriend, the Wide Leg, the Bold Color and the Super Skinny styles of yesteryear?! Are they all, like, sooo last season? Fear not, my little chickies. Jeans are a worthy splurge for a reason: Even the trendier styles stay In, season after season. Unfortunately, brand-whoring fashion mags like to use different names for the same thing to dupe you into buying more jeans (as IF your JAPtastic ass doesn’t already own ten uber-In pairs). Here’s a guide to the adjective-heavy denim “trends” designed to make you second guess what’s in your closet. [Thanks in advance to Lucky and ELLE for regurgitating each other’s style tips].

Lucky How To Wear Your Denim Guide, 2008 - Sleek Silhouette
ELLE Denim Trends Fall 2007 - The Skinny Jean
Lucky’s also a fan of Super-Skinny Jeans - apparently, slapping on a superlative distinguishes the trend from ELLE’s Skinny Jean of 2007. The Lucky eds suggest pairing a fitted, sleeveless top with skinny jeans to achieve the Sleek Silhouette look; those of us with boobs know the potential slut-factor of going tight all over. To each her own.
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Cheap JAP 101

How To Wear Confidence, 24/7

I’m no trend whore, but I certainly like to experiment. Alas, playing with trends - like any other risk - can be a bit scary. Because fashion risks inevitably result in the occasional flop. Wearing slightly absurd outfits means strapping on a pair on two capacities: 1. The balls to not give a shit about public opinion re: the outfit in question and 2. The balls to feel awesome wearing it. The first part’s easy, because most people don’t know how to dress. The second part - using your confidence to accessorize an outfit that could go either way - is the challenge.

I found this flower-embellished denim jumper at Beacon’s Williamsburg for around $35 buckaroos. If you think it’s borderline ridiculous now, you should have seen it in its original form, i.e. with pants. Even after I chopped it into shorts, I remained skeptical. I put on a belt and gold hoops; I took off the belt and gold hoops. Something was missing, but I wasn’t sure what. So I did what I always do when I’m feeling a little self-conscious about donning new duds. I put on my “Just Sing It” playlist, and belted out some Alanis. Four songs later, I felt like a rockstar, and was ready to take my outfit out on the town.
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Cheap JAP 101

The Elusive JAPgasm

When I used to put outfits together, I had the luxury of concerning myself only with aesthetics. Why? Because any brand I owned was a JAPtastic one. When I put outfits together now, I have to concern myself with balance. Why? Because even I won’t walk out the door in head-to-toe Forever 21. I might be cheap, but I’m still a JAP, goddammit.

The peak of Cheap JAP outfit perfection - the JAPgasm, if you will - occurs when the outfit in question achieves practicality, class and originality in perfect harmony. Clothes from budget chains a la H&M/Forever 21 make an outfit practical; coveted labels purchased as splurgy poos or at discount a la Loehmann’s/Century 21 give it class; thrift store finds and/or items from Mommy’s closet make it uniquely yours.

The shorts pictured are Forever 21 and cost $19.80: Practicality accomplished. The polka-dot blouse is a Beacon’s Closet find, snagged for $11.95. Originality? Done and done. The shoes are Manolo slingbacks, purchased with Daddy’s Amex back in college. While it makes me nauseous to think about paying full, retail price for them today, I can’t say I regret doing so back then (probs because it wasn’t my money I was spending…whatevs). Even so - four years later - they still make me look and feel a lot more loaded than I am. These three items combined result in a totally JAPgasmic outfit. Ohhh yeah, baby. Yeah. (!!)

Cheap JAP 101

Facebook Fans: So Hot Right Now

We heart trends here at Cheap JAP (most of them), so if you’re not on Facebook yet, you’re like, totally Out. Get on that. Why? So you can FAN CHEAP JAP’s FACEBOOK PAGE, which is something I know you’re all dying to do. Don’t get all huffy. This is more than shameless self-promotion, scout’s honor. This is a place where you’ll post pics of your latest Cheap JAPtastic finds and budget chic outfits, weigh in on what you lurrve and loathe about Cheap JAP, ask advice on your latest wardrobe conundrum, and trade shopping tips with your fellow fab fashionistas. You might even meet some girls who aren’t total beotches, who knows.

This isn’t about me, amazingly enough, and I’ll prove it to you by posting the best of your outfits, videos, comments, tips and questions on the blog each week. Cheap JAP’s giving you the power, so don’t eff it up. Be a fan, and go play.

Cheap JAP 101

Leotards and Boobs: How to Deal

In general, high-waisted bottoms should always be paired with a tucked-in top. It’s not a total faux pas to wear them with an untucked shirt, but then you can’t see the high waist, so really, what’s the point of rocking the style at all?

The sartorial snag occurs when you tuck your shirt into your awesome F21 shorts and notice that the shirt has bunched beneath the surface, resulting in wrinkles nearly as offensive as panty lines. Possibly my pants are just too tight…whatevs, you only live once.

I recently expressed my irritation over this serious matter to an American Apparel salesgirl. She, of course, suggested the very same leotard she was wearing at the time - an easy solution for her cute little A-cups. But for those of us with serious boobage, not so much. Or so I thought…until I re-discovered an item I haven’t worn since my JV soccer days: The sports bra.

The sports bra is THE solution to this two-part fashion conundrum; it enables the well-endowed to don leotards without flopping all over the place or showcasing their lingerie, which in turn completes the leotard + high-waisted bottoms = zero shirt wrinkles equation.

Is the overall look a little bit Flashdance? Was Jennifer Beals the most adorably sexy thang ever to don legwarmers? Yes and yes. I love the 80s, and you should too.